One of these three things controls your life...

On Saturday I changed my life.

I discovered that I have been seeking something ALL of my life from everyone and everything. On Saturday, with the help of a wonderful healer named Doulla, I was able to identify it and begin the process of setting myself free. I feel like the prison door has been swung wide open and now the rest is up to me.

The best part is, it was so simple. And it is operating in your life too.

Every one of us is seeking one of three things that we feel we didn't get at some point in our lives. For me, it began at age 2 months ( I was able to identify this with Doulla's help). But don't worry, you don't need to know when this all began because I can guarantee that it did begin at some time and has been owning you ever since.

So what are these things? And which one has been controlling you?

LOVE

APPROVAL

APPRECIATION

Figure out which one of these has been motivating your life and you've got the key in your hand. Looking at your interactions with the world knowing this and you are walking out of the prison cell. Break the addiction to this feeling of lack and your running free through meadows of flowers with the sun on your back!

For me, it is approval. One key relationship in my very early life set up this pattern of seeking and feeling like I had failed to gain approval. And since then, unknowingly, I have been seeking it again and again. And unfortunately I am primed to feel disapproved of in my primary relationships and even when that disapproval isn't there, I feel like it is! When I don't get it, which in truth I never can because I don't believe I am approval-of, I set off on an emotional roller coaster ride and then become defensive and shut down.

Spend some time thinking about it and you'll be able to map your response too. The key to changing all of this for me is SELF-APPROVAL, of course, but I'll write more about that next time.

My Walking Heart

So, last night, I got inked...I'm madly in love with this beautiful new addition to my body and with the meaning behind the words (Clare Bowditch's words). You can read the meaning below for yourself, and even listen to them being sung...

I cannot stop the world

But I'll be the tigress behind you

I'll help you build your armour

But you'll have to wear it for yourself

Of course I worry too much:

how can I not, you're my walking hearts?

Just beware the masquerade:

The circus that shines, but will not stay

Clare Bowdicth and the New Slang

All praise to Ryan from East Brusnwick tattoos. He's a superb artist and a lovely man and I'm thrilled to be wearing his original, hand-drawn art.

‎'Out beyond ideas

 of

wrongdoing and 

rightdoing there is a 

field. I'll meet you 

there.' 

Rumi

Being a tourist of your own life

I have just returned from a truly wonderful adventure in North America. For a time we were in the Adirondacks in upstate New York, and much to my joy and amazement, we were in knee deep and fresh falling snow in April! It was such a magic, secluded and beautiful place that I proposed to my partner, Julian, right there in the middle of all that snow. He said...YES!

Happily, we are now engaged. And returned home. 
And herein lies my challenge...

Being back has made me recognise how expansive, adventurous and attuned to the positive I am when I travel. When 'real life' sets in it can be hard to maintain the effortless joy that comes with travel. The challenge I have set myself is to be like a tourist in my own life. In other words, to walk around with fresh wonder and wide-eyed amazement. 

I am happy to report that so far this has worked a treat. As the days pass though I feel myself closing up little by little and I must keep reminding myself of the feeling of being awake to the possibility of what life might bring.

When we are away from our normal daily routine, especially when we are travelling, we are alive with anticipation of what each day might bring. When we get home, we fall into a well trodden routine, closed off, bored even and unaware of the possibility that is all around.

I have set myself the task of being awed by my life, by my home, my environment as though I was seeing it all for the very first time, of feeling like a bold adventurer in the day to day. And the best part - no ridiculous airfares and overpriced hotels!

Bon voyage fellow travellers!

Things I want my son to know

In thinking about my relationship to parenting I found myself seeking to articulate the essence of what I wanted to achieve as a mother for my child.


Having recognised my inconsistencies in bringing my spirituality to bear on my role as a parent, I also realised that the soul part of me was and is yearning to communicate some soul truths to my child. Ultimately my frustration with myself about not being in the light as a parent is not about me but about what he may miss out on if I don't get my act together.


These are the things I want him to know and experience everyday:


That he is dearly loved


That he is a precious and connected part of all that is, and to think of the trees as his brothers is a perfect way to get to know his own true nature


That the Universe is benevolent - there is neither good nor bad but different concentrations of light (sometimes so little light that it might look like the dark) in the world, and 


That he can actively choose to hold more or less light around him just by focusing his intention and actions. The Universe doesn't judge it merely serves.


That life on this planet is sacred and finite and thus should be enJOYed. Being in tune with the natural rhythm of the day, honouring the sunrise and the sunset, making a peaceful time to eat and to sleep, witnessing the cycles of the moon, the changing of the seasons, are just some of the wonderful ways to embrace this reverence for life.


That everything is energy and the imagination is the key to experiencing this, for what can be seen in the mind's eye is as powerful as what is witnessed with the eyes.


And finally, that nothing is ever out of place. It is unfolding just as it is meant to. Know this and you can deeply relax into the warm embrace of the ever loving Universe.




In the next part of this series I will post some of the ways in which I can bring this knowledge into daily, ritualised, playful experience. Stay tuned...

The gift of knowing where the love resides

The Gift

By Hafiz (c. 1320-1389)

The Great Sufi Master of Persia

Our

Union is like this:

You feel cold

So I reach for a blanket to cover

Our shivering feet.

A hunger comes into your body

So I run into my garden

And start digging potatoes.

You ask for a few words of comfort and guidance,

I quickly kneel at your side offering you

My whole heart –

As a gift.

You ache with loneliness one night

So much you weep

And I say,

Here’s a rope,

Tie it around me,

I

Will be your companion

For life.

The Rythym of the Cosmos

All time is one - past, present and future. There is no separation, which if you haven't figured out by now, is the secret to the universe. All there is is the eternal NOW. What might this mean for you?

How does one live in a world where past events and future dates suddenly become null and void?

All that is and ever was and ever will be is here right now in this forever moment that will not end and cannot be erased.

All time, as the human being knows it, is the greatest construct of the imagination that has ever been invented. But it is as if to follow the white rabbit down the hole - it will lead you nowhere. It is all well and good to say this, I hear you thinking, but what use is it in our own lives? How can we live without time?

Perhaps, at first, the shackles of human time may seem too big a burden to cast off, although I assure you, the day will come for everyone of you when you are no longer bound to this useless illusion. In the meantime there is much to be gained from the knowledge of true time, sacred time, divine time, which is of course to say No time. Timlessness means absolute presence. To be present body, soul and mind.

This is the moment. Not one moment amongst many, but the ONLY, SINGLE, ONE moment that ever was. This is the original heartbeat of God, the first breath, the first and only word uttered to bring the entire Cosmos into being. This is the beginning and the end, which is now, which is eternal. And in this moment all your life is manifested - you are born and you die and you are born again in THIS moment.

NOW is the eternal present, and in truth, you have access to the entire universe, the Cosmos, through the portal that is this moment. If I could only show you what time looks like when you see it as a divine being, such as I am, you would think it the greatest masterpiece of the Cosmos, and you are the designer. You determine the unfoldment of this very, only, single moment. It is one moment, but infinite unfoldments.

You must know now that time, as it occurs to you, is your creation, and it is far more than the clock on your wall, or the calendar on your desk. Oh, my precious children, I know I am asking much of you, but even if you doubt or do not understand, please read on. There is always some part of you that integrates the divine knowledge you receive, even if your ego-mind is unwilling to admit it.

Time, as you know it, is not.

From this moment forth, which means you have always been doing it, think of time as a magnificent picture, a painting you have created that determines everything. Time is within you and in everything - it is the music and rhythm of the universe - it is the heartbeat of the Cosmos and you ride the wave. The problem is the entirety of humanity have jumped on the wave of time through fear and limit their lives through the prism of fear - time constricts, retracts, steals, is spent, limits, there is never enough of it!

How can something that only is do any of those things?

Can you see how you have been made to believe in a false prison so that you contract your own life to a small and tiny portion of what it should be! Time is your creation. Time is your life. Time is NOW. Fear nothing. There is nothing to fear in the eternal now moment.

The key is this - live this moment.

Love this moment and no other and you will hear the secret heartbeat of the universe which is true time. You will learn the freedom so long denied you.

This is my gift my children. I ask that you think upon it, even if it seems all wrong. It is the greatest illusion of humanity and will necessarily take some getting used to. But behind these words lies the greatest freedom, the key that unlocks the treasure chest of humanity, all the glory that is you that has been hidden from you for lifetimes.

Think upon it! Dwell in the present. The glory that is you awaits you.

JOY

Where is it that JOY resides?

First, in never looking back. Second, in never looking forward. Now. Here. This is the only place you can access joy.

And why this thing called Joy? Why make it so important above all things?

Joy is the spiritual lubricant. It is the gift that brings assistance in all things, all endeavours. It is the motivating force in life. How can you achieve anything if it is not motivated by joy?

At first, joy may seem a chore. As you awaken from your slumber it may seem impossible to feel good about anything. It may seem that joy is a frivolous and useless emotion. BUT, in truth it is joy that is feared the most because it is the most powerful feeling of them all. In truth you are terrified of something so raw and generous and pervasive, of letting so much light in. It is better to remain miserable and cynical and doubtful for that is the place in the shadows, the safety of the darkness.

Once you declare your love for joy, and stand in the full and brilliant light, joy is everywhere! Joy begets joy! There is no release from its powerful grasp - there is no looking back and looking forward. There is only deep gratitude for this very second. For this is the answer, the key to accessing joy in this moment. Rejoice! Be deeply grateful and you will feel the joy pour forth. You will be brought to your knees by joy's awesome power as the love you hide away breaks free and washes over your entire body, unshackles the ties, liberates your soul from its enslavement. You will be the bringer of light. You are this!

Allow God's gracious light to flood the world in its most magnificent manifestation, that of the joy of the light of the world. Rejoice and all else falls away. You are in love with the world and the world cannot help but love you.

Release all else. Make joy your true home. It is the language of the soul. How many times must you hear, life was not meant to be a struggle! Free yourself with joy!

Be that powerful truth and you will see in the light that joy has been maligned only to keep you in prison. It is the secret of the world. YOU ARE BORN TO BE JOYFUL! What a secret! Share that joy with the world and set yourself free.

In deepest gratitude and abundant joyous love to all.