This year, I am not going to throw myself into the new year. That would be my usual style. I love resolutions, making plans and lists, getting stuff done. Even though I don't think we need to wait for a new year to get clear about our goals, the combined collective consciousness around the new year does add to the momentum of creating a new vision for our lives.
This year, I am doing none of that, even though I would love to. I have a list. I have my lists 'to do' and my more spiritual lists 'to be'. I have resolutions for myself and for my children and my home and my work and my relationship and my soul. And I really, really want to get on with this new year with gusto.
Instead, I am saying 'no' to 2013. Just for a while. Turns out my beloved is and has been very unwell for some time and won't be better for quite a bit longer even with the best recovery. As a result this holiday period has been probably the least restorative I've ever had.
Letting go of expectations is hard work. The disconnect between what you expect to happen and the reality of the situation is where the stress happens. I know this. Yet I can feel the strange shredding sensation in my solar plexus that happens when I am trying to resist reality.
There are two things that help. One is this, as with all parts of my life, to write. It is the balm for my soul.
The other is to slow right on down, to forgo plans, to take it one day at a time.
Visioning the year ahead and making grand plans will wait. For now, I'm putting 2013 on hold. I am not going to fling myself around. I'm going to stand still. And for now, that's the best resolution I could possibly make.
Hope he gets better soon. And I hope you find your slower rhythm amidst the chaos. xx
ReplyDeleteThank you darling. Feeling much better today. Exhaustion played a big part.
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