I AM...

I feel like I am crawling out of my skin today. The image I keep seeing in my mind's eye is exactly that - the shedding of another outer layer of me. Like the snake that I am, I feel very ready to shed my skin.

But I have no idea why and to what end and what it will mean and what I might gain and what I will have to give up.

In my fantasy I willingly surrender to the highest good for me and all sentient beings, and in return in I get EVERYTHING I"VE EVER DREAMED OF ON MY TERMS WHEN I WANT IT WITHOUT ANY HARDSHIP!

Oh yeah, I'm totally willing to serve humanity as long as I am totally in control of the entire thing.

I'd prefer to turn my back on this feeling of yet another layer of illusion readying itself to separate from me. Then nothing would have to change and I could stay wedded to my domestic bliss. BUT the feeling of moving upward, onward, toward something too magnificent to find words for has me seeking out peace, meditating, reflecting, burning incense etc etc.

And still I have no idea what is really happening or why. I would love clarity about the next step on my path. But I might not get it.

Of course, the astro-weather and imminent solar eclipse is adding if not entirely creating this sense of crucifixion and resurrection...

Cruci-what? I hear you say...Yes, that old chestnut. I have been reading about crucifixion and resurrection as the essential metaphors for the human/Soul journey, and how when we willingly embrace the idea of dying in life we gain everything...

Rumi says it better than me:

To die in life is to become life
The wind stops skirting you and enters
All the roses, suddenly, are blooming in your skull

I feel fear at the thought of this imminent death, this skin shedding...but behind the thinking is a deep, soul desire to merge fully with whatever it is that is calling me, to enter into union and oneness, to arise cleansed, reborn.

I want to write I am willing. But all I need to say is I AM.