I've been trying to solve the problem that is me...

For most of my adult life I've been trying to 'fix' myself. In particular I have used my spiritual path as a multifarious weapon against myself to try and fix the broken parts of my identity. To try to be more balanced, less emotional, more at peace, more present, happier, wiser, less stressed ad infinitum! I have pursued connection to all that there is as a way to overcome my perceived flaws and most certainly to be more divine than human. My humanity has in a sense always seemed to be the lesser part of me and in need of some good spiritual discipline.

But as I get older I'm beginning to see that the way I have been pursuing my inner peace has led me to a place of inner (and outer!) stress. I spend much of my life feeling like I have failed in my perfectionistic attempt to be totally Zen! I haven't been able to fix me no matter the years I have tried.

And then yesterday something lovely happened. Sitting in front of my psychologist (the latest recruit  in my attempt to be perfect) I heard his wise and gentle words ( for he certainly doesn't want me to be perfect although he's ok with it if I do!) from the sessions we have spent together running through my head. They weren't articulated in the way he had offered them to me, but in my turn of phrase. And I didn't just hear them. I felt them. And what I heard was this...

What if there is no problem?

I hardly want to write another word. What else is there to say except that the impact of this simple question has had an astonishing effect on me. I feel very relaxed. This doesn't not happen often.

I immediately asked my psych how I hold on to this feeling and he said to communicate it. So I am, here with you. I hope it imparts even a tiny fraction of what I am feeling into your day. But if doesn't, no bother.

There really is no problem.