When I had just turned five years old, I remember one thing vividly. I remember telling my five year old self to never forget that being four was the best year of my life. I have never forgotten this memo to myself, but what was I thinking? What attribute of being four made it so that my heart and mind knew to hold onto it, wanted to be forever impressed with this knowledge?
Along with this note to self, there is one other striking image of being four that still clings to me. It is a photo of my fourth birthday party. There is a big group of four year old's playing chasey. I am running towards the camera but oblivious to it, being chased by my dad. On my face is a look of total exhilaration as I run as fast as I possibly can. I am free. I am joyous. At least I feel that way now when I look upon this picture.
Did I know, even then, that the feeling of freedom and joy would be hard, near impossible t hold onto in daily life? Did I know that everything on earth appears designed to rob you of those innate senses as you grow? Did I know that I lived in trust that everything I needed would be provided, and that was what gave me such sense of my own freedom?
I do know that my five year old self knew something and didn't want me to forget it, ever. It will be my blessing to go back and retrieve that wisdom now.
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