Admitting this is really scary...

A snotty cold has been making itself at home in my body now for about a week. Not exactly the ideal birth lead-up that I had been hoping for. I am now 39 weeks pregnant and very teary.

Combined with the utter exhaustion of late pregnancy I have been feeling downright shirty and irritated most of the time. I am finding the energy of my nearly six year old confronting and overwhelming. My beloved is super busy trying to finish everything up at work so he can take a magnificent 6 weeks off after the birth of our baby. But all of it leaves me feeling unprepared somehow for this new arrival. It is not how I imagined I would be feeling or thinking at this amazing point in our lives.

So instead of soildering on, I am sharing. I don't want to. I don't want you or me or anyone to know the truth. Yet, I am opening up to my feelings of vulnerability, my fear that I won't ever go into labour because mind, body and soul won't synch. I am admitting my utter exhaustion.

And even as I do, support comes flooding in from the Universe. Just this very minute my mum calls to say she will fly down at a moments notice, my beloved calls to offer to come home from work to take me to my hospital appointment, I hear a song on the radio that I haven't heard for years that always makes me joyful (I've included it below), a friend shares a powerful image of a pregnant woman that makes me feel strong and brave (above), and text messages start popping up in my inbox from dear friend's letting me know that they are thinking of me.

I begin to feel ready. I begin to feel body, mind, soul uniting. I accept the nurturing and promise to offer it to myself as well as allowing it to flood in from the world around me. And now we have just returned from the doctor and he says that he would be surprised if the baby doesn't come this week. And as a final affirmation of all the beauty and support and wonder around me, a feather flies in through the car window on the way home and flutters around us - even the angels want me to know they are nearby.

Thank you for letting me share (I say this to myself as much as to you). Now I feel like I have come home.